This idea has developed over the years for me. I used to think freedom came from not giving a fuck. You hear it from almost everyone who has done something incredible with their life. Athletes, founders, artists, people who move through the world with certainty in who they are, they all say some version of the same thing, “stop caring what people think.” But I think a lot of people misunderstand that idea.
There was a period in my life where I took it too far. I became emotionally untouchable. Nothing bothered me. I convinced myself that not giving a fuck was protecting my energy. I stopped reacting to things, stopped feeling things fully, and thought detachment was strength. Since I experienced a few years that naturally made me tune out emotionally, I thought I was killing it when people said to stop giving a fuck to succeed. But over time I realized that not giving a fuck about anything doesn’t make you free, it makes you numb.
That thought process made me have less drive towards the things I actually should give a fuck about. What changed for me was when I rewired my brain to think about that idea as "freedom lies on the other side of understanding what to not give a fuck about".
The people who do extraordinary things with their lives usually give more of a fuck than everyone else in the room. They give a fuck about their craft, their relationships, their mission, their standards, the way they carry themselves, the promises they make to themselves. That fire is real. The difference is they’ve learned where not to place their emotional energy. Freedom doesn’t come from not giving a fuck, it comes from understanding what deserves your energy and what doesn’t. I can’t control the thoughts people are going to have about me. No amount of overthinking is going to change someone’s opinion once they’ve decided who they think I am, so fuck all that. I’ve stopped wasting energy trying to manage perception. But what I can control is the kind of person I become. I can control whether I move with integrity, whether I show up on time, whether I keep my word, whether I treat people well, whether I stay disciplined when nobody is watching.
I want people to think highly of me, I give a fuck about that, but if someone still misunderstands me after I’ve done my part, that’s where the freedom begins because I’ve already handled what was mine to control. That idea applies to almost everything in life. Give a fuck about your goals, but don’t destroy yourself when the timeline changes. Give a fuck about your relationships, but don’t feel guilty for making sacrifices that align with your long term vision. Give a fuck about your work, but don’t let temporary failure define your identity. Give a fuck about becoming your best self, but stop obsessing over every uncontrollable outcome along the way.
I think maturity is realizing that life is less about becoming emotionless and more about learning where your energy actually belongs, and that takes time, a lot of time alone with yourself. True internal work. You have to know your values well enough that when difficult decisions come, you can stand on them confidently without needing constant validation from the world around you. The most successful people I’ve met aren’t careless people, they are deeply intentional people. They give a fuck about the right things and let go of the rest.
That’s what creates peace, that’s what creates momentum, and that’s what creates a life that actually feels like your own because eventually, if you practice this enough, you stop living reactively to the world around you and start writing a story that feels completely aligned with who you really are.
You only have a limited amounts of fucks to give. Spend them wisely.